Dolores Umbridge Confirmed As Education Secretary

Dear Muggles,

We are unpleased to inform you that today the Ministry of Magic has fallen confirmed Dolores Umbridge as Lord Volde – rem – President Trump’s education secretary, 51-50. Vice President Bellatrix Lestrange – I mean – Pence cast an imperious curse-inducing (not to mention unprecedented) tie-breaking spell/vote, after hearings that became fodder for Saturday Night Live; after angry constituents swamped Senate offices with 1.5 million calls a day; after two Republican senators defected; and Dumbledore’s Army held the floor overnight in protest.

The 59-year-old personal bear attacker and real life toad-from-Hell takes over the leadership and management of a federal bureaucracy with 4,400 employees and a $68 billion annual budget.

Sigh.

In the words of Cornelius Fudge, “These are dark times, there is no denying. Our world has perhaps faced no greater threat than it has since January 20th.”

J.K.Rowling save us all.

Yours,

Minerva McGonagall

Ps. Let’s hope Devos ends up like Umbridge did with the centaurs:

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