Damn, Discovery. You crazy. Really. What is going on in those development meetings? In the upcoming special Eaten Alive, a scientist in a scuba diving suit with a Go-Pro attached to it attempts to get ingested by a giant anaconda — all in the name of bringing attention to the rapid destruction of the Amazon. “I wanted to do something that would absolutely shock people,” says researcher/conservationist/snake snack Paul Rosolie. “Environmentalists, we love to preach to the choir. What I’m trying to do with this is bring in a bunch of people that wouldn’t necessarily know what’s going on in the Amazon. For the type of attention that this is getting and for the type of emergency that’s going on down there — desperate times, desperate measures.”
Spoiler Alert: He lives to tell the tale. But ended up in the hospital with a cracked rib and other complications. The snake supposedly also lived, but I’m not so sure. In fact, I’m not sure about any of this.
The Washington Post shares my skepticism:
- This isn’t possible, right? It feels “like a marketing hoax” ventures the Daily Dot. It’s “nonsense” a herpetologist reveals to Business Insider.
- This can’t possibly be pleasant for the snake, right? You’re a snake, minding your own reptilian business when you come across some strange human that smells like pig blood, perhaps inspired by some sort of retelling of “Carrie” that went way, way left. For whatever reason, said pig-human is either 1) devoid of survival instincts or 2) dumb, because he just sits there. You hiss and you think, “Mmmmmm, Thankssssgiving!” Except you don’t, because you live in the deepest, darkest corner of the Amazon where there is no Thanksgiving.
- Why was it vital that Rosolie be swallowed head first, as he says in the trailer? And what would have happened if he wasn’t?
- Does the snake, who apparently lives, get a consolation treat since Thanksgiving actually turned out to be more like the worst case of food poisoning ever?
- Are snake laxatives involved? Are snake laxatives a thing? What about snake Ipecac? (Actually, we can answer this one: Rosolie’s suit has a very large cord, presumably for pulling him out of the snake.)
- How did Rosolie breathe?
- Is there, somewhere in the depths of the jungle, a snake-y equivalent of “Penthouse Forum” where this poor creature can say: “Psssssssst. You will never believe what just happened to me. Never.” Do other snakes commit Rosolie’s snake to some sort of snake asylum because his story is beyond belief?
- If things went south, did Rosolie get a gun so he could shoot himself out of said snake, a la Tommy Lee Jones in “Men in Black?”
- What motivates someone to say, “You know what, my life isn’t interesting enough, so I’m going to get a snake to eat me, and then air it on television?”
Somewhere, Nicki Minaj is kicking herself for not thinking of this first.
Watch EATEN ALIVE Sun Dec 7 9/8c on Discovery
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